The Things We Don't See by Brazzell Jessi

Author:Brazzell, Jessi [Brazzell, Jessi]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2017-05-11T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

Each day that passed, mine and Brian’s friendship grew stronger. We went from leaning on each other because we had no one else, to leaning on each other because we didn’t need anyone else. And although the scars were still there on each of our hearts, we were slowly mending them, together.

I went to Carson’s grave several times a week. The guilt of being so angry with him was consuming me but I couldn’t let go of the betrayal no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to forgive him and in my own way I did. But even with that forced forgiveness, the sting of pain still lingered with me even after all these weeks.

His headstone was set a month after his burial. It was taller than all those around him so I knew he would take pride in that. The marble was white and beautiful, but it just made the whole situation seem so much more permanent. Hundreds of years from now that stone will be the only monument to his memory. The people who knew and loved him will all be gone and no one will even know who he was. His name etched in that marble will be the only evidence of his existence.

The man at the funeral home had routinely sold me side-by-side plots, and in my shocked state, I obliged without fully considering. They really are nice plots, peacefully tucked under a luscious red maple tree, if that really matters for a grave. But I know that I will not lie next to him for eternity. It doesn’t feel right when he had built a new life with Mila, or planned to anyway. If he had wanted Mila by his side, I couldn’t bring myself to just assume rights to that. But if I am being completely honest with myself, I didn’t want that right anyway.

My life was slowly finding its way back on track and the chaos of everything had started to settle as much as could be expected. I hadn’t seen or heard from Detective Burns for weeks. I also hadn’t seen any more shadows running passed my windows but I still sometimes got the feeling that there was something or someone behind me, watching me. I had checked over my shoulder more in these past weeks than I had my entire life. But that is probably not all that strange for someone who had to see her husband’s murdered body lying in the middle of a park.

Grief is a terrible thing and I know that it is for everyone. I think a lot about how differently everyone grieves and worry that I am not doing it right, if there is a right way. One thing I can be certain of is that most likely, a universal side effect of grief is that it undoubtedly makes you question things about your own life. Will I be missed when I am gone? What will people say about me when words are the

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